ZARAZA

ZARAZA
by Axmill

Kale's Undulation

Kale had reached the perfect synchronicity with its brother, Lentil. Their close friend Quinoa was driving the car they were in, and the journey was an important one.
Kale suddenly cried out in agony as the synchronous mind flow between it and Lentil stopped. This would prove to be an unfortunate event for the people of Seattle, but that is not another story.

The Logical Error

"I will vote for Joluneue, because my cat has green eyes when he's happy."

Experimental Design

Ursula was eating dinner when her friend Sigmund burst through the door. "Kale! IT IS KALE! THE TRINITY HAS BEEN AFFECTED!" said Sigmund, as he fell to the floor, dead.

A Bubonic Problem

Why is the man in blue so dangerous? A study showed that he preys upon the inner hatred and violent nature of many sapient beings. This means that many species, alien or not, could be affected by his dangers. However, that is another story, and thus this chapter was pointless. Unless you are a collector of lore, of course.

Back to the Plot

Kale was still screaming in agony, and all of the panaceæ in the world couldn't help it. Well, not really. There was one. But it would require the removal of a particularly evil being. So they set out to find one, and did. A man who committed 22.45464646 war crimes. Quinoa used its most powerful attack, which I shall not go into the details of, but involved flying into the target's mouth, using the water that composed them to expand, and using this expansion to cause a rupture of the body.

A Man Named Hg

Hg was a particularly powerful man. He could turn his body into an amorphous shape, allowing him to pass through things with spaces in them, like iron bars. This allowed him to live in his favorite building, the Space Needle. Of course, the maintenance staff knew this, but they knew that if they told, Hg would be quite angry. Quite angry indeed.

A Trip to a Location of Wonders

Ursula had been rather upset by the whole ordeal with Sigmund Freud's death. She decided a trip to the Space Needle would help solve her problems. This, of course, was true.

Some Old Hippie, Caught Another Hippie, Tripping On Acid

“Zaraza,” explained Ivan, “is the Karalian word for the desire for success. It is often used as a philosophical concept among Karalian university students, but has many more applications. Almost every species experiences Zaraza, and the University of Galeron's motto is 'xxxxxxczvzbvzvzvzxnzmvxmzvmz Zaraza zzvzmxbvzx xxxxxcczxcxvzxv hiiiiiiiiii'Iulllopsyt?' which means 'Every student knows of Zaraza. Will they apply it?'”

The Universities that Apply 28 Forms of Testing Students on their Intelligence via Vacuum Tube Irrigation Methods Distributed via a Central Server Room Located In A Small Basement that Contains No Undead Lifeforms that May Interrupt the Testing Process

Quinoa actually didn't harm anyone. It decided a trip to the Space Needle would be just as good. Lentil quickly agreed. He was starting to get a headache, and wanted to end Kale's incessant screaming. In fact, they had to stop and purchase high-quality medicines from a pharmacy that had no pies with monosodium glutamate in them. That was good for the pies, and good for the taste buds of Kale, Lentil, and Quinoa.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Urssula wass getting tired of taxi ridess. The driverss were never on time, sso sshe had to go to the main officess of Taxi Corp Inc. to file a complaint. Of coursse, they pretended like nothing ever happened. Sso sshe decided to walk.

THE FINAL SHOWDOWN

Kale, Lentil, Quinoa, and Ursula had finally arrived at the Space Needle. Ursula was shocked when she found not only Kale, but three people. And there are three people in a trinity. There was no time to waste. Quinoa had found the particularly evil being. The being's name was Hg. Now, of course, Quinoa didn't know of Hg's power. “Who are you, exactly?” said Ursula. “We are a group of friends. We need to kill a man named Hg,” said Lentil. “Um, OK,” said Ursula. They got into the elevator and ascended up into the Space Needle.

THE SECOND PLANE OF NARATAL:
PART TWO OF THE FINAL SHOWDOWN

By now you are probably wondering how there is talking produce. Kale, Lentil, and Quinoa are actually three energy-based beings. They simply took over the bodies of the produce. Thus, they are nigh indestructible. Hg was surprised when they entered. But he, like them, was also from the Second Plane of Naratal. However, he was composed of a mercury, not energy. Kale, Lentil and Quinoa knew Hg. On their plane, he was a dangerous bank robber.


THE ULTIMATE BATTLE ULTRA MEGA FIGHT SCENE OF AMAZING CATS. LET'S GO!
Lentil and Quinoa beat the crap out of Hg until the Intergalactic Security Administration came and arrested him. Kale stopped screaming. Sigmund Freud was actually in a coma. All was okay. Until next time...



GOOD BYE STRANGER!